A series of disappointments

I'd like to take a moment here and talk about the last two movies I saw.

It's not as if I was expecting the second Transformers movie to be good, exactly - but I certainly wasn't expecting it to be nearly as bad as it was. I actually don't even know where to start. I could start with the atrocious, face-palm opening that literally made me cringe with despair, the unbelievable wince-inducing attempts at one-liners, or the unfathomable plot holes, but I suppose I'll just start ranting and see where I end up.

Transformers should be the coolest thing ever. Giant robots that transform into cars and fighter planes? There is basically no excuse for not making that awesome. Plus, how much was the budget for this goddamned thing? Like a hojillion dollars? Optimus Prime is a GIANT ROBOT that transforms into a SEMI TRUCK. That should be, like, the most badass thing in the entire world. But every time he opened his stupid robot mouth I wanted to scream. He is given literally the dumbest lines I think I have ever heard in a movie. I can't actually remember all of them right now, but I think that's because my brain blocking out traumatic memories.

The propoganda in this movie is disgusting. Too many examples to list. The only evil car in the movie is German. Yup.

God, you know what? I can't even remember what I was going to write about. It's all too stupid. But Shia LeBeouf's fast talking can only do so much to save a movie, and it definitely wasn't enough. The parts where the robots are fighting are awesome, and the parts where people are talking are acceptable. It's when the robots talk and hte people fight that things get really stupid. I'd really like to know who wrote the script, so I could meet him and kick him in the nuts. I don't care if we're "not supposed to take it seriously" - Mr. Bay obviously takes this film (and everything else about himself) very seriously, so I don't think there's any reason not to call Bullshit. Seriously, what a waste of money.


The second movie I saw was the latest Harry Potter. Honestly, I don't even know why I bother anymore. I haven't liked the last 2, but for some reason I paid seven dollars to see this one, too. I'm telling you, don't bother. It is terrible. There is not a single redeeming feature about that film. It's unilaterally atrocious. The acting is terrible. The script is terrible. It's incredibly boring. The characters are hateful. Literally the only thing that's "neat" is how the Death Eaters fly around - which is by turning into black smoke and shooting around like giant, evil high-polluting bottle rockets. I don't see why the good wizards can't fly around like that, too. But whatever. Least of my worries.

Don't bother to watch this movie if you've read the book. Literally every likeable thing about Harry Potter has been completely ruined. For example: Albus Dumbledore, who features prominently in the 6th installment, is turned into the biggest asshat in the world. I still can't believe that someone, anyone, thought it was a good idea to cast him as a benevolent headmaster. First of all, the actor, whatever the hell his name is, has absolutely no emotional depth. No matter what he's saying, he sounds like he's pissed off, or like someone has just punched him in the nose (probably because he sucks so badly) and he's kind of ticked about it. He has been an asshole since movie number 3 - This is a problem, because the Dumbledore in the books is not an asshole until book #6 - and only briefly, but at least you notice that a nice person has lost his temper. In the movie, your response is "God, look at this guy. What an asshole. I can't wait 'til he's dead." Seriously, the ending doesn't come near quickly enough.

Actually, almost every single character is deplorable. Rupert Grint couldn't act his way out of a paper bag, Daniel Radcliffe has two faces (Wry, cringing grin; and cringing frown/scream, which look exactly the same except that he screws his eyes up in face number two), and Emma Watson - well, I guess she's the most acceptable of all of them. At least she sort of seems like a Hermione. Ugh. Alan Rickman, the only decent actor in the whole bunch, has like ten lines in the whole movie, which is unforgiveable. Any way, moving on.

Actually, if you haven't read the book (which, if you're under the age of 50 is almost mind-blowing), there's no point in watching it either. It makes no sense. It is a random sequence of completely disconnected events brought to life by characters with which you have no emotional attachment, other than to hate them. Massive chunks of the book are skipped over (as has been the trend). It's more of a pop-up book than a movie (And then Dumbledore died, and Harry was sad), which is just kind of depressing.

I guess that's really all I've got for now.